Pursuer distancer dating
Several months go by, and now any time Alex feels that Morgan is upset, the former goes into the bedroom and shuts the door.Morgan, confused and scared of losing Alex, follows the latter into the bedroom. I’d better call to try to fix this.” Alex feels overwhelmed and turns off the phone. Neither person has bad intentions, but because of the lessons each learned in the relationship, they responded in kind by following their instincts.As I’m sure you can imagine, this is an extremely unhealthy dynamic for a relationship.When asked, most people who are unhappily coupled will say that they are having “communication problems”.And as we just discussed, because turning away is the most painful response, this couple is at high risk for separation.
Regardless of the content of the bid, there are three ways for your partner to respond: Obviously, when you make a bid, “turning towards” is the response that makes you feel the best, and “turning against” makes you feel bad.Knowing what we now know about bids, think about the experience of the pursuer.In this new language, we can now say that a pursuer is making emotional bid after emotional bid, and the distancer is repeatedly turning away.The person feels a great amount of discomfort with the discord and is panicked at the idea that their partner is pulling away from them and may never return.Distancers – The driving force behind a distancer is a sense of “I can’t do anything right.” No matter what a distancer tries, they believe that they will be admonished and berated, so why try anything at all?